[Leena]

is here. sitting. staring. wondering what i'm going to write. laughing when i type something wrong and have to go back to change it. chanting 'WONDING' cuz wondering came out wrong. giggling. like the 14 year old she is. laughing. pointing at me. 'noooooooo! dont write pointing,' she says. 'dooont send it!!' 'i shake my fist at me'?????!!!
[right]
she has hair.
she is being a fool.
a FOOOOOOOOOL. "i'm a fool again! A FOOL AGAIN!....no. fooligan. f-o-o-l-i-g-a-n" and "its i shake my fist at THEEE. change it or i'll press delete. you put 3 'e's on the end."
[meh]
i say deliver me from younger sisters and their vocal chords.
"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
[meh]
i SPOSE this wasnt as great as it planned. be prepaired for part 2.
[goodnight]

....soooo....

what are you going to do about it?

...sit there?

>>[i say..DONT!]<<

go out....DO SOMETHING. help a homeless kid or make food for old people. i dont care. make an effort

[i'm not saying you ARENT already...but lots of people dont]

sooo. love life. people. everything.... yes, even the crap things, there is a lesson to be learnt.

some of you may be thinking... OOOH! birra's changed, she's quite the little optimist today...

i'm a realist. and today i feel nice. and motivated. pity its about time i went to sleep and its raining and...well... things cant be done.

[so i'll draw instead]

<*><*><*><*><*> <*><*><*><*><*>
<*><*><*><*>NEW!!!!<*><*><*><*>
<*><*> today, i realised <*><*>
<*><*> that the word <*><*>
<*><*> AMUSE comes from <*><*>
<*><*> the word MUSE. <*><*>
<*><*>and i felt special.<*><*>
<*><*><*>SOYay for ME!<*><*><*>
<*><*><*><*><*> <*><*><*><*><*>

i spose i succeeded. 7 replies. special. but its not what i aim for.

what do i aim for??

***tooooomorrow! tomorrow! i luv ya! tooomorrow! yoooour only a daaaaaaaay aaaaawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!***

so its tomorrow it seems. and beef. i am liking beef.
yet stuggling with the thought of eating an animal that never did anything to deserve it.

battle battle...
should i tell HIM that i love him, and risk the friendship?
battle battle...
should i tell everyone what i REALLY think of them, and risk them turning away.

i want to tell the truth. speak truth! be truth!
but the truth hurts and people dont like it when i'm true to them.

lose a friend... tell them the truth.
keep a friend... tell a lie.

lies a fabricated.
and fabrication and fakeness is what i'm fighting against.

then WHY should i have to do something i do not want to do or like in the slightest JUST to make someone else happy?

its just like wearing the 'fashionable clothes' or going to the 'in' places and parties.

what if i dont want to?
did anybody ask me?

-no-

maybe its time they heard the truth.

i pour my heart out in an update...
...and its all good.
...and i'm satisfied for once.

and then i put a graphic in.
ITS TOO BIG!
{back} i click.

BOOM! its gone. my brilliant update. into nothing.

just another example of the simplicity of losing it all.

i DO hate...
...not being about to be with or even see the person i love most.

and even MORE...
...not being about to tell them that i love them to their face.

i DO hate...
...people they say they hate something when its just dislike.

and even MORE...
...people who hate things for no apparent or very shallow reasons.

i only DISLIKE...
...most things i would too easily say i hate.

and even MORE...
...when i say i hate them.

.........................these are dots.
-------------------------these are dshes.

what makes a dot better than a dash?
or vice-versa?

///hate is uncalled for\
\we need understanding///

...this is why i want my island. sit there. with the one person i love the most. and just be. and create happiness and beauty. and we'll deserve it :)

==my shoes tell a story===

where ive been. what ive done. who ive done it with.
the good.the GREAT.the less great. and, of course, the crap.

BUT THESE SHOES.....are mostly goodness. and i am lucky.
although i dont believe in luck. so that now causes a problem. if theres been so many good things in life that have thrown themselves at me, and its not luck, then what is it?
of course theres all the bad times too. and maybe thats just my pesimistic mind getting me back. but i'm NOT PESSIMISTIC....i'm just a realist.
i see. i hear. i experience. i know.

i dont know what to do! i dont know where i am!

...and then i'm here. again. at home sitting at my computer, the same old one that crashes everytime i try to use winamp and msn messenger at the same time.

...i need variation. I NEED A LIFE.

...i have a life. where did it go?!

...consumed by year 12. stuff i dont need to do and crap i dont need to know.

...noone is online.

...its lonely where theres no one in the REAL WORLD. even more when there's none in Neo-ville.

...suddenly they are all here!!!!...lots. lots... cOmFuZZiOns.

...music getting. read it all. make the cut. get the part. be famous. be a star. make the money. be a star. have the pictures. be a star. use the drug. be a star.

...turn on the light. turn it off. sleep. sleep. eat. consume. consume it all. burn it all down.

...end. finished. final. zippo....LIGHTER FUEL!! :D

...~flaaaames~ of goodness. fire dancing round. watch me go! watch me happy! watch me dance! watch me fly!...away...

...sunfall. night time. moon time. star time. NOT sleep time. walk time. BE time. music time. dance time. peace time. calm time. cool time (like COLD time).

...sunrise. light time. sun time. hot time. grow time. sleep time. plant time. waste time. use time. consume time.

...burn BABY burn! turn me on ten. i want you i need you oh baby oh baby.

...isnt it ironic? ALL of it.

...ITS ALL THERE! there for you. there for me. there for EVERYONE!! take it use it dont abuse it.

...make it come! make it STOP! runnning round and round and round and ROUND and rooooooooooound my head. its all there. but its not there. its....

...THERE!!!

...the line! its gone! its all gone. aGAIN!

...running. running. running away. running away, find a new day.

...darkness. blackness. its back....hah lay loo yah!

...it IS all there...